Truth is what you discover. Live your life and discover the truth of your life, your constraints, your situations, your problems, your answers, your happiness is too unique to you, live to make a great life out of your life's situations. Don't model in comparison to bill gates' life, neighbor's life or for that matter your brother's, parents' or your spouse's life. See what can make all happy. By not keeping others happy, you are digging your own grave.
If you can expect and tell yourself what you are expected to do is what you love to do, the problem gets solved if the question is of being content. But the ego doesn't allow this to happen, for your ego continuously reminds you of the fact that "you are adjusting.." you are not originally happy. That is the job of ego - can you believe it gets paid for it. It gets paid for it and it's returns are the no of issues it creates in your life.
The other facet of life is when you are expected to do things in a particular way and someone who is expecting you to do something is doing the same in an opposite way, it causes the greatest hurdle to accept what is happening and stay happy - the first thing that hits the mind is the comparison that "why are you expected to do when he/she can do the opposite". Life has sort of instilled in us through various media - the joy of ownership, the joy of having control. This has it's strengths and hazards. The hard side to it is we forget to draw the line, where to seek control, what to seek control in and when to let go; with whom to seek and with whom to let go.
More the philosophies more the confusion. The greatest solution of life is in understanding that life is far more simpler than we all think it is. Nevertheless it may not be easy, as we all expect it to be. But it's simplicity lies in the fact that if you love what you get, you would sooner or later get what you love. The most toughest thing is to believe in this, because the distractions are many and at times when you are made to feel by the various media that surround you (including FB, tv, movies, newspapers etc) that your life is hell and others are having a ball, the horrendous effects of your ego/self image multiply.
The more often you watch things you want to do, being glamorized and showing people really seeking pleasure out of it, the more you would want to do it.
One finest example that I would love to quote, is the way media has glamourized romance, love, relationships, outings, travels, which has made people seek all of this only to realize these no way fall close to the expected pleasure they might give that the media sets in us. It's an exaggerated view that is set in us and hence what follows is an exaggerate expectation. Life's purpose is to attend to the dreams of the collective set of most important people you love and ofcourse yourself eventually (but eventually is what we forget).
Likewise in relationships the ego plays havoc. People have forgotten roles. The role of a pilot is to fly the plane and hostess needs to assist the passengers. We tend to think pilot can fly the plane the way he wants and he has complete control and is more fortunate than any of us. But we fail to realise he feels equally more responsible for all the lives, he is accountable, he is also flying an expected route, he is going through deeper and greater strain (mentally) so needs better relaxation and rest. A lot of us end up comparing that what we are doing is equally BIG and great and hence we deserve to enjoy and celebrate as much as the pilot does and we should be paid equally as well.
If reason is we are not treated that well, because we are not pilots our ego is all set to argue that we have the capacity to be pilots as well. After becoming one we only realise it's not the post that makes us happy or something that our ego made us do, we would be happy even otherwise. Now the most important thing - In relationships roles have to be truly well understood and accepted and not compared. Comparison causes more damage than good it is capable of causing. It's best if we all did realize that It's happiness that makes us become the best of whatever post we are from.
If you are the manager you are made to sit in a cabin and if you are the receptionist you are made to sit at the reception table. It's not to give one more pleasure and other more pain. It's just the nature of the work. It's perception that counts.
A marital relation has similar roles. Having travelled the world am observing these divorce cases on a very large scale and the alarming rate at which they are increasing is not funny. It's simply because what is done by the wife is to be done by the husband and what is done by the husband is to be done by wife. Simply because they want it to be FAIR. I dont understand in between love and relationships where does the word FAIR come from. Fair needs to come when there is one job that is only giving pain and other only giving pleasure. It is general nature to believe that working and having a career is something that gives you pleasure, and home management is a painful & pitiable work. SO balancing that is fair. THIS make NO SENSE.
Once a great man said "All work is just WORK" with equal pleasure and pain. If there is possibility of work sharing it should be done. If there is expertise it should be shared. For the sake of sharing it if things are divided then it makes chaos happen. It could be from small things to bigger ones. Why is it that woman gives birth to a child and not a man, why is it women look beautiful and not a man etc. Nature had a reason to make both the way they are and a lot can be learnt. Let roles be unique and not compared. Let the common goal be the upliftment of family and not the upliftment of an individual alone.
If this was understood - divorces would decrease. ":Why should i go through all the pain?" "why me always..?" " Why should it always be me who says sorry?" "why should i do all the work?" " why should I go through this, I dont deserve it.." "Why..." If you have felt all this then welcome to the club of people who just need to hold their ego with both their hands strangle it each time it comes when the person on the other side of grass is a loved one and for heaven's sake STOP COMPARING. No matter how much your tendency is to.
Life on your side is as green as that on the other side. IT's just that at times it's night on your side and day on the other side and at times it's day on your side (when you busy seeing your grass and have no time to see it's dark on the other side..) and night on the other side.
The grass has nothing to do with your life. Will you start loving your life and living it with what it offers you first and then expand the horizons beyond to ensure it compasses more and more in your arena, than comparing and keeping your life in a circle of small radius forever.
Hope this blog helps you through atleast one of the paragraphs. I know it's lengthy but it has depth equally (atleast I presume). Open to read your comments...
Sujit Lalwani
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