Saturday, August 28, 2010

Strength of relationships has not got to do much with the amount of time spent with the Individual!

Relationships and the related issues are a common topic of discussion with oneself or with others, more common than the air molecules around us. They touch every neuron of ours. As every name stored on our mind of a person is a relation and brings along inevitably a lot of thoughts, some conscious and others sub-conscious.

I have heard a lot of complains from a lot of people - That "we knew and were bonded for a decade and more, How could you do this to me?" Its like the Lantern, the strength of the flame can be controlled with the knob, but once the fuel is extinct inside the container, no matter how much you turn the knob or play around with that little lantern, you cannot hope to see the flame again, until you refuel it and trigger the flame with a splinter.

All I mean to say is that - though the amount of time spent with an individual accumulates greater number of memories in our life, if the recent ones are bad, and the misconceptions are high, then the re-inforcement of these bad memories of recent past repeatedly, will overshadow the strength and good memories of the relationship, and soon be a great reason & a valid one of course, to break the thread of this relation, leaving it into pieces and can bring it back only with a knot.

The mother who gives birth to a child, brings an entity into the world, whom she knows not, not more than until 9 months ago, she knew she concieved this life, but the strength of this relation is beyond our understanding.

Its the dreams of the future with this individual already built, for years before this life was concieved, and the emotional bonding, attachment and the feeling of possessing this life nurtured for long that decides the strength.

Likewise there are times when we have seen people who have met a few days, years or months ago, and they claim they would be partners for life long, Is a direct effect of the feelings and their strength is due to innumerous self-re-inforcements of the emotions of dreams of future together they would love to build.

The strength of relation goes to an extent, that history is a proof, for people who got wed beyond the desires of society, they could cut through the societal pressures, the pressures from society are nothing but relational pressures, which fall small in front of the strength of the relation. In case the emotional strength is not enough to combat the societal pressures, the re-inforcements are not strong enough, the reverse decisions are claimed in some cases.

But cases where we see people get attached to something/someone and get deeply engrossed into that relation with time, are the ones who materialise the strongest relations and then there are not many forces more powerful than death, that can result in breakage.

But there is a lesson - "THE LANTERN LESSON"... the relations are subject to change, the fuel is the reason for the flame, One needs to keep the flame going, keep the fuelling the lantern, and never let it extinct, keep the knob turned towards "high" symbol - then you enjoy long lasting permanent, and ever jovial and pleasure giving relationships.

The direct question on the mind of the reader now, is obvious -"what is this fuel all about?" - Its the dreams of future, recollection of past memories(the ones that are positive and make you happy), re-inforcements of trust, re-inforcements of pride in the relation, re-inforcement of satisfaction of the presence of the other entity/individual in our life.

This concept of relationship - applies to organisations you are working for, applicable to ensure your teams working with you attached with you and your organisation, the people you are attached to, your relationships(life-partners), your bonding with your family and friends.

Even a kinder-garten student can now conclude - "what is enmity? who is an enemy?"
and how can these negative feelings be eliminated!

Hope you readers enjoyed this piece of article, its just the thoughts that conjured over a period of time, when I stand and look back at my life, which is cluster of relationships, some broken, some rejoiced, some strengthened, some beyond the scope of understanding and some that i enjoy even today!

IF you have any issues with anyone/anything just forgive, forget and start loving again.

"Either you Curb the grudges/negatives and live everyday till you die or Keep the grudges/negatives and die everyday till you live!" ~ sujit lalwani

May god bless you all with long lasting relationships - really strong and long ones!

(The column below is for you, to extend the warmth you feel for this blog!)


  1. if we could actually measure the warmth we feel for this blog,m sure the thermometer would burst open,being unable to measure the warmth in our hearts sir...

  2. got me into thinking.. there's nothing that takes more mental energy, that is more painful than a spoilt/broken relationship.And there is nothing that can make life more beautiful than few beautiful,invaluable relationships. thanks a lot for this valuable lesson about fuelling relationships sir.. may this blog save few relationships.
    loved the quote at the end sir. thanks a lot for the post

  3. Gm sir... Relationship is such a big game.. The entire life of ours goes by maintaining and playing with it.. Few sustain till the game is over to play with and few disappear in between leaving a mark or few may not do that also.. Hats off to you... as usual u always make the toughest of the things go easy... Any person who reads this blog can clearly understand the key of maintaining relations.. Thank u so much for such an awesome blog... we were definitely in need of it... thank u again sir..

  4. By reading ur blog I remember what u always told me.. " life is simple, keep it simple".The way u simplify things jus amuse me ."Relationships" - it is definitely a difficult topic in everybody'd life ... so vivid.. so unique.. so complex..but after reading the blog I realise the essence of life lies in giving and forgiving . Thank you sooo much for such a beatiful blog sir.

  5. this is absolutely true sir....Either you Curb the grudges/negatives and live everyday till you die or Keep the grudges/negatives and die everyday till you live....but in most of us negative emotions are stronger than the positive ones!!


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